Day 12: Boredom and relief.

That has got to be the most stressful 18 hours I've had in a long, long time.
Last night Dr Kopic handed me a copy of the blood testing results from Greece and left me to decipher it all without any indication of what he himself thought about them.

The lab in Greece does full DNA research on blood cells, it grows the cancer cells and then studies which compounds would be most effective in defeating them. This is not just about what drugs might work, but what chemicals are the cancer cells expressing that is inhibiting the efficacy of previous chemo treatments. From there they recommend various drugs to overcome the problem. One such drug they mentioned requires a six month programme costing US$60,000! Let alone treatment.

So you can imagine the shock and fear that raced through my brain when I believed that we needed to change treatment plans and adopt all these new drugs to overcome resistance. It was like being told they had a cure for me but it was on the moon!

I had a talk with Dr K this morning and he assured me that nothing has changed. He still believes that the current treatment plan is the best way to go for a "positive outcome"
His meaning of the words "very good news" last night is that should I relapse in the future we have several other treatment options, and all look promising. The BEACOPP treatment alone has a 10 year freedom from progression rate of 88%. Just how I would go about getting that treatment in NZ would be another battle, one I hope never to have to fight.

Boredom has set in. Four wall fever they call it. My chemo addled brain is just ticking over, no humour to be found inside this small room. I haven't turned the TV on in days.. not since I was sick last weekend. The problem is I now associate the TV with feeling ill and have no desire to switch it on and test the theory. But let's face it German telly would probably make even the healthiest person ill. I did for a while take some small pleasure in watching the German broadcasts. Little in jokes like the ad where the Germs get in under the rim.. the green germs speaking German.. yes my world is that small!! sigh.

I've tried to be more socialiable the last few days. I now eat lunch and dinner with the girls downstairs. It's now just Pam and her companion Angela I share a table with. Both are devout christians.
Eva left today, I really liked her. She is a 50 something Swedish woman, incredibly thin after years of cancer. She has long grey hair and these huge pale blue eyes. I would say she was a stunner in healthier times. When ever the group talked at the dining table she always looked to me for a nod or a smile of approval. I liked that, I think it showed that she valued my opinion.

There's quite a few more guests here now too. Mainly older German and French men. I have yet to speak to any of them. I may make an attempt at dinner tonight. Depends on my frame of mind.

Ok well this post will have most of you yawning your heads off! Sorry.. but it's good to get stuff out of my skull and onto pixels. Thanks for being here to read it.

Cheers! ..Ron