Running on empty.

We have pulled the plug on the latest chemotherapy drug. Like all the others we have tried we just didn't get the result we were hoping for. The lymph nodes in my groin have only shrunk a little bit. We were using these easily palpable nodes to gauge how well the Vinblastine might be doing against the larger nodes hidden in my body where we can't see them.

My blood counts haven't done anything spectacular either, just small increases in the hemoglobin between transfusions.
In about ten days we shall start on yet another drug, Cyclophosphamide. I'm not expecting it to be any better than all those that we have tried before it. I guess it's really clutching at straws time now.

My breathing is not good and is laboured and fairly fast with a constant cough.
To me it appears a lot of my health decline is due to my lungs. The loss of appetite, weight loss, muscle wasting. The problem is that treatment for it would be a massive increase in my steroids.
That may give me some short term improvement in the quality of my life but would ultimately dramatically increase my chances of a fatal infection. I would be lucky to survive a few weeks.

So we have to ignore that and just put up with lungs that barely function and cause my body to waste away. I currently weigh just 56kg, I'm just skin and bone. No muscle and just a little fat on my stomach from the effects of the prednisone. Looking at myself in the mirror I look like a concentration camp survivor, and I don't say that lightly.

If I continue to loose weight at this rate I'm afraid my chances of surviving anything more than a cold are virtually zero. I'm finding it very difficult to move around I'm so weak. Standing up makes my heart race and I become dizzy and puffed. I have to stand very slowly and wait a minute or so before moving. Once moving I can only walk a few metres.

Working with what I have, Sarah and I are hoping spend a few days at Foxton beach and enjoy the Christmas break. Some family members will be joining us on Christmas day.
My plan is to stagger in the door, fall into the lazy-boy chair and remain there till it's time to come home on Thursday for more blood.

Wishing all my readers a very merry Christmas and I shall post again around the new year.

..Ron