Gemcitabine treatment failure.

It became obvious to me a few weeks back that the Gemcitabine chemo was probably not working.
The enlarged nodes in my groin that initially shrunk with the first cycle had become a lot larger and my blood counts were failing to rally.

Today Sarah and I met with Dr Alwyn D'Souza and discussed where to from here.
He didn't pull any punches. If it were anyone else he would tell them it's time to give up.
His quandary is he knows that I'm not ready to give up and that puts him in the unenviable position of trying to find something that just might give me the window of remission I'm hoping for.

Things are pretty bad at the moment, the Gem has knocked me around quite a lot with the side effect of lung inflammation making me feel some nights that I'm climbing Mount Everest without Oxygen. (and that's with oxygen!) I do find myself pondering my situation in the wee small hours of the night and my fighting spirit tells me not to give up yet. There will come a time, as I explained to Alwyn, that I may well decide that enough is enough. I'm not at that point yet. He said a lot of patients would have by now.

I have a CT scan next Friday, that will confirm what we already know but will also help us re-stage and get a clearer picture of tumour mass etc. Then in about three weeks we will meet again and hopefully he will have come up with a novel treatment plan. If not and he decides he has done all he can. I'll look at other options. As I say we are not ready to give in just yet. There's a plan in my head of what the next year will bring and I'm focusing on that. It involves more quality time with Sarah, more sunny days soaking up the sun's rays at Foxton and more time appreciating all that I have and have had.

However just to prove I'm not in denial I have asked for a referral to the local hospice. Both for support for myself and to a greater extent Sarah.

The only good news to come out of today was that we are stopping the Gem chemo treatment. So short term I should start to feel slightly better, however the blood transfusions will continue.
In answer to a question about how long the transfusions could go on for in light of the fact that my bone marrow is shot. Alwyn said "for as long as you're alive" apparently they can't deny a patient that kind of support. I suppose that's one good thing.

Till later ..Ron