As I write today's entry I am hooked up to an IV line.
Right now it's infusing me with Vitamin C. Later it will be something else, then I will have the cannula in my left wrist removed and another fitted to my right arm in preparation for chemo.
My current line has been in since Monday morning and since Wednesday it has needed to be flushed with a syringe to remove blockages that naturally build up around the needle as my body tries to heal this opening in my vein.
Today Biljana had to press very hard on the syringe to get it to push the debris out of the way and open up the line. It stung a little as it burst the damn and flooded saline into the vein.
I like the idea of having high dose Vitamin C. I've been taking 9000mg in tablet form for some time now and I believe it helps stop the lymphoma from growing. The process has validity, Vit-C causes Peroxide to me manufactured in the cancer cells. Reducing oxygen levels and limiting the cell's blood supply.
The IV has just run out, I'll phone Biljana and ask her for the next infusion.
I drag the IV stand across the room to the telephone and dial 202. "I coming" says the voice at the other end and she hangs up. Ten seconds later and she's here with another bottle to infuse. I think Biljana might be Croatian, I'll ask her when she comes back.
My line is blocking up again, the flow rate is pathetic, about one drip every 2 seconds. It could take hours just to get the next two bottles in. (They use clear plastic bottles here, where as in NZ it's a soft plastic bag).
OK so here's the background to my Dichotomy: I woke this morning and instantly felt this horrible feeling of dread hanging over me. Today is D-Day, no going back. As I sat down at my table for breakfast I noticed that my hand was shaking. That puzzled me, I usually only feel this way in the minutes leading up to a high speed run in my race car.
That got my thinking.. The reason I race is because I love a challenge. I get a huge rush out of taking a risk and coming out the other side. Before hand I often get nervous. If I didn't get nervous then obviously there's no fear. If it wasn't scary I wouldn't do it. There has to be risk involved otherwise you don't get the "rush" at the other end as you cross the finish line with your car, life and limbs in one piece.
So my brain starts joining the dots... OK Ron, you have a disease that is guaranteed to kill you if left untreated. Your sport of choice involves driving at ridiculous speeds in situations where if you make a mistake you may be killed or maimed.. and you are nervous about taking some drugs that will save your life ??? Get a grip!
I laughed to myself at how a change of perspective can so drastically change your mind set. I shook my head, smiled and dug into my cornflakes.
Bugger! I just looked up at the drip and it's stopped. I've tried squeezing the line and massaging the vein but it won't unblock. OK I see the problem, when I squeeze it the fluid just goes back up the line. If you fold the line over on itself, then squeeze you get a sting in the vein as the fluid pushes past the blockage and it flows again. Sheesh how hard was that!
Biljana has come to change the IV and she tells me that I may not have chemo today because they do not have the eye drops I need to prevent conjunctivitis. That would mean that they would have to put it off until Monday. I'll push to have it today. At $2000 a day to be here, that makes for a $4000 bottle of eye drops!. I'll wait for Dr Glonti and see if I can't convince him.
I'll start a new post since the pace has picked up here somewhat...
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