a waiting game.. but for what?

Every day is an ordeal at the moment.
I'm either sweating profusely from fever, itching like a madman or wiped out from fatigue and slumped on the couch. Otherwise I'm in hospital getting more blood. There's not much else to my life.

It would appear that unless my haemoglobin is well above 105 then I'm barely able to function.
Maintaining that level involves a large number of blood transfusions.

I just want to start chemo. It was supposed to be today, but it's been put off by a week due to the infection scare.
I'll also need to get a new PICC line put in before then and have an ultrasound of my heart to make sure it hasn't been damaged by infection.

And even going on chemo offers me no promises, it's just the change that I'm looking forward to.
I get through each day now by focusing on the slim chance that this time round the chemo just might work, that I just might survive it and that maybe my insane itching will go away, even for just a while.

Isn't it typical that my hair has started to grow back after being gone for the last nine or so months just in time to loose it all again from chemo!  Oh well.
I grew a goatee beard for a couple of weeks, I shaved it off yesterday because it was too itchy and Sarah said my kisses weren't as nice.  aaaw it had to come off after she said that!  :)

Well I'm home alone today, Sarah has had to go into work to do some stuff. I've managed to cook my own lunch and I'm about to try and tackle the treadmill for a few minutes.
I'll be on oxygen and going very slow, but I think it will do me some good.

..Ron